TUE 210323

Today I'm working at KIngs Cross because I need to catch up on workflow and progress tutorials are on all week. I still have this intense feeling of emptiness. I think after interviews I just went into some weird state and it's hard to come out of it. I need time to process everything, and I really hope I'm able to get in. I have this weird feeling lately that I kind of don't know what I want from life. There are so many industries and I really want to do so much different stuff. I know I want to be busy all the time because when I have consistent things to work on I'm in the most productive state. I also love the feeling of putting everything into a project. I want to sort out a good routine for myself which maximises my creativity. I think the changing of the seasons helps because I'm naturally more motivated and I want to get up and leave the house earlier.

This sounds pessimistic which actually isn't accurate because I definitely am happy right now. My baseline emotion is fulfilment, and I'm on a good course, have a good job, nice life right now. I still am growing into myself definitely as an artist and I want to push my fashion visions way further. I think soon I'll have to make my OWN PROJECT. Like no brief, no direction, no one's conceptual input before the making process starts. I'm always on other peoples' projects. And don't get me wrong, I love that. I'm good at what I do and I know that, so it's a stress-free or low stress experience and there's no problem with it, but it's time I had the self trust to do something bigger and more personal. I should really use part 3 for this! I think I forget how much my work excites me so I need to keep going or in the breaks I take I begin to convince myself that I'm not having fun. That's happening recently actually and I am trying hard to stop it because it's neither accurate nor helpful. Today is the first day of spring according to my culture.

I'm also going to take another much needed break from reflections because it actually makes me feel pretty bad about the fact that I'm not in the right state to do work right now. I'll wait until I am because there's no point faking this when it's designed to be useful.

Reflection

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